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Wearing my sassy pants today…

            So I know Valentine’s Day is coming up and I should do something sweet and romantic for my blog, but I’ll leave that cliché to someone else. Instead, this blog is going to tackle the dark underbelly of “things that don’t make sense” when it comes to your wedding. Obviously, this is all my opinion based on years of experience so take it with a grain of salt. Just don’t take it with a grain of rice because that, my friends, is exactly what I’m talking about. Here we go…hold on ‘cuz I’m feeling a little sassy today.

 

Rebecca’s Top Ten Wedding Dont’s (in no particular order–and I really do mean this all with love):

1.      Confetti, glitter, sprinkles, sparkles and anything else that makes a massive mess and can still be found sticking to your skin days after the wedding.

2.      Punch. Let’s not do punch. It’s sticky. It stains. It attracts flies. It can be expensive. Pay the bartender an extra $100 and let the kids drink all the pop and water they want. If there’s no bartender, bring on the punch…but please…a few different flavors. For instance: lemonade, raspberry lemonade, strawberry lemonade, sweet tea, raspberry tea, and sun tea all displayed in a super cool (and cold) fashion! They also need to be pretty with all of the garnishments!

3.      Metal folding chairs. We have thousands of chair covers in stock for one reason: metal folding chairs are ugly, cold and …did I mention ugly? Let’s cover those bad boys.

4.      Garter auctions. There is no faster way to kill a wedding dance. Except maybe leaving your own dance to go to the bar (see annoyance #6).

5.      Dollar Dance. This instant buzz kill does even more damage when it follows the garter auction. Let’s move on.

6.      Bar hopping. You are spending a lot of money to throw a party in honor of your amazing day. Attend it! You can go to the bar any other day of your life. Please don’t keep your guests waiting. Please don’t leave in the middle of a great dance. Please don’t skip your reception altogether because you got too drunk at the bar. Wow. I need a drink myself after writing this one.

7.      Guest book attendant. This is not an honor. This is a totally unnecessary waste of a perfectly good friend/relative. Nobody wants to be her. Including her.

8.      Bustling the dress. Find a seamstress worth her weight in gold and have her create a bustle that doesn’t break or unhook when someone hugs you.

9.      Flowers. There is no reason to give every person you know a corsage or boutonniere. Cut it off after the grandparents and put the money toward an extra such as an amazing rhinestone wrap for your beautiful bridal bouquet.

10.  Power point presentations. Zzzzzzzzz. Wake me when it’s over. Power point presentations are nice if they are just looping along in the background but please don’t force people to stop everything to watch you ride your first bike, win your first trophy and go on your first date. They came to party. Let’s party.

 

There you have it. Let’s party. And that’s all I gotta say about that.

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